


together, with time to spare

by aroacejeanprouvaire



Series: home is a room full of our safest sounds [2]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-06 02:39:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8731588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroacejeanprouvaire/pseuds/aroacejeanprouvaire
Summary: Lukas leans in so his head rests on Philip’s chest and says, “I don’t want to go home.”Philip shrugs and says, “Okay.”“Okay?”“Yeah, okay. So what do you want to do instead?”“It’s-” Lukas checks the time on his phone. “It’s three in the morning, Philip.”Philip smiles slightly, he looks like maybe he’s holding back a laugh. “So?"





	

Lukas and Philip stumble out of the club at around 1 a.m., laughing a little, and with their hands firmly locked together. They’ve drunk nothing but water, but they’re giddy with the music, with the mass of strangers and the smell of alcohol and sweat, with having been surrounded by men all filled with love or lust or for other men, and with having held each other close for all that time, in this public place.

Inside the club things had started picking up, getting busier, and louder. Lukas had trouble hearing anything over the music anyway, and once he couldn’t even hear what Philip was saying right into his ear he’d tugged him towards the door and Philip had smiled and followed. Dancing had been surprisingly fun, and seeing other guys being, well, with other guys was good - confusing, and a bit scary, but good. But really Lukas was there for Philip, to be with Philip in a place Philip likes, and once he couldn’t hear what Philip was saying he didn’t really see the point.

Out on the street Lukas can tell Philip is looking to him for cues, trying to see if he’s still okay with holding hands now that they’re outside. He didn’t think he would be, but it’s the middle of the night, he doesn’t know anyone here, and the uncertainty and fear he feels aren’t as strong as the desire to have this hand in his for as long as he possibly can, so instead of dropping Philip’s hand like he’d expected himself to, he squeezes it and keeps walking. Lukas glances at Philip and sees that he’s smiling softly, and he finds himself staring down at his feet to hide the grin he can’t get off his face.

They get to the bike and he has to let Philip’s hand go so they can put helmets on, but then they’re on the bike and Philip is pressed against his back, with his arms around his waist, and they’re going to be like that for the whole two hour ride, so it’s not so bad.

Lukas doesn’t like driving through the city. It’s nerve-wracking having so many other vehicles around, and even at this hour it’s still so busy, but eventually they’re out on the quieter roads that will take them back to Tivoli and Lukas finds himself grinning again.

Only two things make him feel this way: riding fast on a long stretch of straight road, and Philip. Having both at once is almost too much.

He can feel the time passing, feel himself getting tired, and Philip leaning more heavily against him, but he still feels that rush of riding across the land, under a night sky that grows brighter and brighter the further they get from the city. They fly through suburb after suburb and Lukas realises they’re more than halfway home - Poughkeepsie isn’t far away, just across the Hudson. And then in what feels like no time they’re on the bridge near Red Hook, and Lukas can feel Philip straightening up a bit to look out at the lights reflecting off the water. Lukas looks too and his chest feels tight but in a good way, because the river looks beautiful like this and he’s glad Philip got to see it: that they got to see it together.

But he isn’t glad that they’re almost home. Past Red Hook, past the college, and then he can’t go any further, he veers off where the Tivoli Bays forest comes right out to the road and parks the bike.

Philip’s off the bike in a second, pulling his helmet off and asking what’s wrong, what’s happened. Lukas gets his own helmet off but stays sitting, trying to find the words. Philip comes up close, standing in front of him, his hands going to Lukas’s arms and stroking gently. Lukas leans in so his head rests on Philip’s chest and says, “I don’t want to go home.”

Philip shrugs and says, “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. So what do you want to do instead?”

“It’s-” Lukas checks the time on his phone. “It’s three in the morning, Philip.”

Philip smiles slightly, he looks like maybe he’s holding back a laugh. “So? Will anyone notice we’re gone who didn’t notice at two, or one? Will we get in any more trouble if we get back at five or six rather than at three?”

“Aren’t you tired?”

Philip shrugs again. “Yeah, but I’ll be tired tomorrow no matter what, now. I don’t mind staying up longer.”

Lukas looks at the ground, trying to sort out his thoughts. He feels like he can never make the right choice, never knows what to do, and even though this should be simple and there isn’t any particularly dangerous option, the decision still feels fraught.

Philip puts a hand on the back of Lukas’s neck, strokes the skin there with his thumb the way he did back in the club. “I came back at 8:30 a.m. once.”

Lukas looks up at him. “Here?”

Philip nods. “I went to the city, I felt like I couldn’t be here anymore after-” He stops suddenly, seems to consider his words carefully, as though he’s internally debating how much to share. “It was just hard, coming to a new place, and I wanted to see my mom, so I went to the city in the middle of the night.”

“Was your mom even up in the middle of the night?”

Philip smiles. “No. But there’s this couch out the front of her place and I fell asleep on it. She found me there in the morning.”

“You slept outside? In the city?” Philip just laughs, and Lukas remembers the city isn’t as scary for Philip as it is for him, and at the same time he realises that Philip might not have always had a safe bed to go to before he came to Tivoli, that he might have slept on that couch before, or in worse places.

He tries to find a better question to ask. “Was it good, seeing to your mom?”

Philip hesitates, then nods. “Yeah, it was. I missed her. Still do.” He pauses, thinking, his thumb still moving gently over Lukas’s hairline. “Anyway, I got a bus, made it back in time for school. I’ve gotten back later than this, is all I’m saying.”

Lukas notices Philip won’t say ‘home’ for Tivoli, but he doesn’t comment on it, because why should Philip see this place as home? Tivoli hasn’t exactly welcomed him with open arms. “Gabe and Helen, did they realise you were gone?”

“Yeah, Helen was pissed, but Gabe was cool about it.”

“My dad’s never cool about anything. But I don’t think he cares what I do at the moment. It’s like he’s given up, like I’m a lost cause.” Lukas can feel tears threatening to well up in his eyes and tries to force them away.

Philip grabs his arm and tugs, making him get off the bike. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?”

Philip shrugs. “We’ll know when we get there.”

Lukas shakes his arm free from Philip’s grip, and Philip starts to give him an apologetic look, so he takes Philip’s hand in his to turn that look into a smile. It works, and Philip laces their fingers together as they walk and then Lukas is smiling as well. He finds that it’s hard to control his emotions this late at night; feels like he’s going up and down so fast that he can’t keep on top of it, but with Philip’s hand in his the positive emotions might just win out.

They come across a little grassy clearing and Philip says, “Here.”

Lukas laughs. “What’s here?”

“We are. Come on.” Philip pulls him into the middle of the clearing and sits on the grass. Lukas follows, and then Philip leans back and they end up lying side by side, looking up at the stars, all without letting go of each other’s hands.

“We’re star-gazing.” Lukas says, the way he does when he’s overwhelmed in a good way: when he’s so overcome by how amazing Philip is, and how much he likes him, that he can’t speak except to make small, basic observations. Philip gives him this soft, almost awed look, for no reason that Lukas can work out, and he wonders for a second if maybe Philip feels exactly the same way about him sometimes - overwhelmed in a good way.

They look away from each other at the same time, and Lukas wonders again if maybe Philip feels what he feels, if maybe Philip is also embarrassed by the strength of his feelings. He doesn’t know how to verbalise any of that though, so they look silently up at the stars, until Lukas loses focus and starts looking at the trees that border the clearing as well, and at Philip, in little glances.

Philip’s gaze stays fixed on the sky. Eventually he says, “There’s so many out here.”

Lukas looks back up. “Oh yeah, I guess you can’t see many stars in the city. I never really thought about it.”

“Me either. Until I came out here and saw the difference.”

Lukas pulls his hand away and Philip looks at him questioningly. He gestures and says, “Come here.” Philip sits up and Lukas stretches his arm out across the grass. Philip gives him that look again, that soft, adoring look that Lukas doesn’t feel like he deserves, then lies back down with his head on Lukas’s shoulder. Lukas wraps both arms around Philip, who tilts his head up to kiss under Lukas’s jaw. Lukas retaliates by kissing the top of Philip’s head, then they meet in the middle, lips to lips.

They end up kissing for a long time. No cars will pull up, no parents will walk in, no judgement, no fear, not even a dance floor or loud music. Just Philip and Lukas and the stars.

At some point Philip breaks away and says, “Look.”

Lukas looks. Through the trees to the east they can see the sky is tinged with the faintest edge of light. Back the other way, towards the river, it still looks like deep night: dark purple dotted with stars.

“We should get back.” Lukas says, but he stays where he is, and keeps his arms around Philip.

“Only if you want to.”

“I’ll never want to, but we have to go some time.”

Philip kisses him, brief and gentle. “I think you’re brave.”

Lukas laughs. “For going home? That’s not brave, I don’t have a choice.”

Philip shrugs. “For going home, for going to the club, for holding my hand, for kissing me.”

“None of those things are brave. You do all of those easily.”

“But it’s not easy for you, that’s what makes it brave.”

Lukas doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t feel brave but he stops arguing and kisses Philip again.

Philip smiles into it, but pulls back a moment later. “You do have a choice, you know.”

“About what?”

“Going home. You could come with me instead.”

He’s right. They’ve done it before, snuck Lukas in and spent the night together. They both sleep better that way; they feel safer. Lukas never wants to suggest it though, in case he’s ever not wanted there. And he feels like he should just deal with being at home, deal with being around his dad. Philip has his own problems to worry about.

But Philip leans over him and grins, suddenly excited. “Come with me instead. Please?”

Lukas grins back, because now this moment doesn’t have to end; this perfect moment, with Philip on top off him, with his lips feeling chapped from so much kissing, with the stars fading above them as the sun slowly rises. Maybe it would be brave to go home, but maybe he doesn’t have to be brave. Not all the time. Not right now. He takes Philip’s face in his hands, the way he often does, and always wants to, and pulls him down for one more kiss, then says, “Okay.”

And then Philip’s up, pulling Lukas after him, and they walk back to the bike, holding hands at first, and then letting go in favour of putting their arms around each other, even if it makes them walk slower (or maybe because it makes them walk slower, still dragging out their perfect moment). They ride most of the way to the house and walk the bike the rest of the way so as not to wake anyone. Then they sneak in together, trying not to giggle or to tread too loudly, until they realise it’s 6:15 a.m. and the house is already empty.

Together, they collapse onto Philip’s bed, kicking off shoes and jeans. The long night finally catches up with them and they wrap themselves around each other, exhausted. Philip mumbles something as he’s falling asleep and Lukas doesn’t catch it, but that’s okay. He thinks as he drifts off too: it’s okay, I’ll ask later, we’ve got time.


End file.
